WHEE

2006-07-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

I wish i could change the way things have gone
And start life anew and now maybe once again
I don't know anywhere but sumthin must've went wrong
And all i can say

Is when i sing this song
I get so teary eyed
Cuz you get under my skin
Can't let you suck me dry
I was gonna marry you, have kids for you,
Stay true to you, live life wit you
But look what you've done to me ..

2006-07-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

2006-07-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-5/196881/digitalperm.jpg

2006-07-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE
I HATE FRANCE I HATE FRANCE

2006-06-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

<3>

2006-06-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

*&$!*(@#!*^#(!*^#(!*^#!*(@^%#!*(@^#

im frickin angry

2006-05-31T05:41:00.000-07:00

just when you thought you can no longer hold on, you'd be amazed by your very own determination which very much surprises you, pushing you back into the same old track and go over all the hurt, the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights, the anxiety again and again.

2006-05-31T05:32:00.000-07:00

do not underestimate the power of positive and negative signs.

love is not meant for sinners, like me.
thats why when i took a break from everything, love doesnt come knocking my door ever again

Like a tune that finished a song, like the action of closing your mouth after you speak, like the feeling of relief after completing a long run, like with the last breath i took, sealing the memory of a girl and a guy, who fell too deeply, wrongly and sadly, in love.

2006-05-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones. You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented. You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action. You like standing out and making sure that people know your mind.

WOW.

2006-05-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

:D

mmm town today with rutian! ahaha thanks for the FCUK shirt buddie. :D anyway we went t Jack's Place. this is,

FRICKIN NICE PLEASEEEEEE.

yeap then we went to RIDE HORSES, HAHAHA. & got my TAMAGOTCHI! :D thanks jeremy! though you didnt like buy it personally. hahaah. mine's a girl! just like jeremy's. lol.

walked over t Cine and couldnt watch Da Vinci. ugh. watched this movie called Love Story, oh my god it was so stinky i didnt even understand what was it about -.- we left halfway. and went home. HAHAA. AND I HAD MATHS TUITION -.- but the tutor was kinda nice. i finally get log now, i think. HAHAH.

thank you pple for your birthday wishes!! :D
BEV DEAR RUTIAN FOR YOUR RLLLY SWEEEET MSG LITING :) YANXIANG BOYI KOKSIONG ENGHENG TERRANCE BERVYN WEIHANG KEVIN TANIA ROSIEE ANDREA LETICIA JOAN ANGELA EUGENE JR EDWARD & HANDSOME! (YOU STILL OWE ME MONEY K HAHA), DAPHNE KASHING GAVIN JINGHUI KAH HWEE JEREMY REBECCA ENGHONG ZHIWEI WENDY SUSAN CY BOONYANG FANGQI WEIRU FANGYONG (HAHA.) JIEHENG AND FEL & DIANA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY SONG! :D AND DAPHNE FOR YOUR CALL!

bye <3>

2006-05-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU PPLE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES [:
BEV DEAR RUTIAN FOR YOUR RLLLY SWEEEET MSG LITING :) YANXIANG BOYI KOKSIONG ENGHENG TERRANCE BERVYN WEIHANG KEVIN TANIA ROSIEE ANDREA LETICIA JOAN ANGELA EUGENE JR EDWARD & HANDSOME! (YOU STILL OWE ME MONEY K HAHA), DAPHNE KASHING GAVIN JINGHUI KAH HWEE JEREMY REBECCA ENGHONG ZHIWEI WENDY SUSAN CY BOONYANG FANGQI WEIRU FANGYONG (HAHA.) AND FEL & DIANA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY SONG! :D AND DAPHNE FOR YOUR CALL!

mmm went to town with rutian! YAYY SHE GOT ME T FCUK SHIRT. THANKS BUD :D went to Jack's Place, escago's (or however its spelt.) like frickin' nice please?! got my TAMAGOTCHI later! :D mine's a girl! just like jeremy's. HAHAHAA. then we went t sit on the carousel and everyone was like staring at us. watched this movie, Love Story cos we couldnt get in for Da Vinci. the show sucks, didnt even get what it was talking abt -.- i spent q a lot of time on my phone -.- ahaha.

but thank you pple all the same! <3>

2006-05-28T01:40:00.000-07:00

HIIIII IM CUTTING CAKE AT 12 MIDNIGHT HEH MMMMMMM

I want to be where you are
Ain't nothing wrong with dancing
Baby it's so romantic
Baby I can be in your heart
So many things i want to tell you I think that I should start by saying,
Yo [:

2006-05-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

EVE OF MY BIRTHDAAY!
WHERE ARE ALL MY PRESENTS SIGH :(
AHAAHAH I WANT MY TAMA, MY SHIRRT, MY BALLOOON, MY JACKETT, MY DRESS, MY SKIRRT, MY BAG, MY SHADES, MY MNG HANDBAGGGG UGHHH ahhaha -.- lalalala so bored.tuesday's gna be exciting! first i will have 3 remedials oh my, then am gg t bugis v with jing jessie daph to get their haversacks mmm then dinner @ cine and late night movie! bev & terrance joining us i guess. nt too sure mmm then stay over at bev's house!! exciting <3>

CHRIS BROWN IS SO ADDICTIVEEEE PLEASEEE

YAYYYYYEEEE

2006-05-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

thank you daph, jing and rebecca for this lovely lolly :D BUT I FRICKIN DROPPED IT :( and it ended into this state :( ayee but at least i can finally bear t eat it. heh.

HANDSOME!!!

HAHAHAHAHA :D

2006-01-23T03:35:00.000-08:00

i dont understand.

i'll slit a day if i cant take these shits
w

2006-01-22T05:06:00.000-08:00

i dont know why am i holding on to someone who has hurt me the most out of all pple.

im simply amazing.

2006-01-20T03:54:00.000-08:00

its like still holding on tightly onto the blade of a knife
even when it cuts you so deep you bleed.

youdontevenknow

im so tired of being happy when im dying deep down isnide

2006-01-18T04:11:00.000-08:00

well,

if this is the way u want it to be, then let it.
i know everything'll be possible btween ____ & u.
its not impossible. its possible.
maybe xx'll be better
(though i would highly doubt so.)

i wont feel this pain
i wont want t explain anything
i wont want to do anything thats concerns you.

if you tink u'll be happier this way, fine.

because i know this is over.
everythings over.

2006-01-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

its so tough
i feel so suffocated
i dont know where to go
im so lost i really dont know what to do

can someone help me.
someone just pick me up.

thanks for screwing up my life.
thanks xx.

2006-01-16T05:07:00.000-08:00

all these fucking cheebyes come telling me all these shits
shits i hear from them, shits everywhere.

shut the fuck up bfore you piss me off bad

all those shit rumours arent even true at all. dont you guys understand? so why are u spreading them ard as if they're big news. in fact, they're not.

i tell you, NO. so yeah, shut ur gaps

may assholes rot in hell.

and i tell myself to give it. i made my mind dint i. said i'll give up. its all over.

o-v-e-r. ended. nths gna happen again.

so why do i still feel this heartache
why are all these tears fall
why am i still thinking

i've made up my mind
but my heart doesnt follow
it doesnt listen

so what do u want me to do when it still beats for him?

why.
why am i so weak
why cant i.

im breaking down.
fuck all these shits.

2006-01-13T04:21:00.000-08:00

its so hard

but i still love u all the same.

i really do.

2006-01-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

it is a thing not of the mind, but of the heart.
a feeling.
that can only be felt.

if only i followed my heart

i can see me loving nobody but you
for all my life
when you're with me
baby the skies will be blue for all my life
me and you, and you and me
no matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be
the only one for me is you, and you for me
so happy together

& i will never, ever let you go.
even if it tears me apart
ilu till t end. <3

Saying I love you,
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy, it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me yeah,
'Cause I'd already know

What would you do
If my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That you love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away,
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
Now that I've tried to
Talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
and just reach out your hand
And touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show

2006-01-06T04:58:00.000-08:00

i dont understand any shit

been like this for the past few mnths
i dont know hw to pick myself up
i dont know hw to forget all the stuffs tht happened in the past

when i was the one you wanted out of everyone

i dont understand
why the distance
and why we actually let it grow
to something tht we might never get again

i really regretted what i did
& i'll give anything to have it back
i really do.

i pray to God
every single night
without fail
to practically begging him
to let us solve this entire problem between us

but He doesnt listen
He doesnt answer my prayers
i dont know why

is it because He wants to teach me a lesson?
to lose something so precious
so i can understand the hurt
the damn pain
so i wont repeat this same mistake again

its been a year.
one whole year.
and i've never been able to get you out of my mind.

and i cant stand it
when you seem not to care anymore

perhaps you have alr forgotten abt me
hah.

it hurts so bad
i cant even describe the pain i feel
to see _____ being so fucking happy abt liking you

I HATE IT.
I WANT YOU FOR MY OWN.
I DONT WANT ANY HUSSY TO COME BUTT IN &
SAYS SHE LIKES YOU.

OMG.
THIS FUCKING SUCKS.

CAN YOU JUST COME BACK TO ME ?
PLEASE.
I'LL DO ANYTHING
ANYTHING
TO HAVE YOU BACK AGAIN.

God.. can you please listen to me
and grant my prayer this once.
please God.
please.
please.

2006-01-05T04:47:00.000-08:00

life is so screwed
i hate it.

i dont know what am i feeling inside
i still do everything im spposed to do.
really.
im sad, but i cant cry.
im tired, but i cant fall aslp.
i dont know what my life is for.

i dont know what im living for. studies. and what else. nth. i go to sch, study, come home and thats it. i know what im doing, yet the reason. simply because im spposed to do so.

so losing direction
im losing meaning in life
_

im so tired of all these shits
sick of all these tears
but why am i still holding on
when im so hurt & disappointed alr
why..
i dont understand myself a single bit.

i rlly dont......

2005-12-25T05:04:00.000-08:00

why cant i do what i've made up my mind to
why cant i be strong
why cant i pick myself up
why am i still thinking

fuck it.
fuck fuck fuck

one person comes & turns my world upside down
you've haunted me enough
can u please leave
please get off my mind

because i cant stand it anymore
i cant
i cant
i cant
i cant

its been so long alr.
why cant i.
why. why. why

2005-12-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

ahahahahah

i always make up my mind to do smth, then ltr i'll just forget abt it.

what can i sae? xmas eve and well, im neutral.
heard smoe stuffs. damn hurtful i tell u.
though its nth abt me. but smth t do with me i guess.

smth that i've made up my mind to forget,
but yet smth that i helplessly cant let go.

fuck it.
wake up girl.

2005-12-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

hahhh.

i've seen failed relationships,
& little successful ones.

like ___ & ___.
sigh. everything was right for them, but perhaps not everyone was in favour of the relationship. yeapp. but they were strong, fought thru the times happily. but what happened in t end. end. end. ___ doesnt tink she has commitment, stress from studies & so on.

and __ & ___. i dnoe whats the pt of their relationship anw.

and a lot a lot a lot more. i tink frens & steads are the same - its just the identification. and perhaps the security that holds the 2 of them tgt. but there's always an end to a beginning. always. its just a matter of time.

and i cant help but wonder. if we were tgt, will we still be tgt now ? or would we have ended the relationship alr.

i rlly dont know. i rlly dont.

but _____ proved me so wrong. and a lot of others. couples who are happily tgt. or will they end everything in t near future?

i dont knowwwwwww

this sucks la.

2005-12-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

seriously life's getting busier.

hmmmm. there're so many things i really want to accomplish : ) i know im going crazy, but sometimes its a gd idea to sit down and really think abt the things you need/have/MUST complete. yeah.

i need to train harder (well, a lot harder). i dont wna let anyone down, so there goes. im always telling myself that, but my body doesnt seem to be. uhm, responding? or obliging what i set out to do? something like that. and xcountry com (nhhs that is) is approaching nearer and nearer! and i've got a gd mind to just do marshall duty that day and quit running. : ) hehe, even charmaine was in for it. we shall see. right.

i need to work harder. seriously can i take a BIG BREAK? and no i cant because im alrdy taking a huge one right now. work hard for those As passes, esp maths. YES MATHS. infuriating i tell ya. and basically everything. really.

i really want to take up drums ! okay i've said this like a million years back, and have lost interest along the way but the passion has returned, once again. :) well, at least i hope. it's like just sooooo cool for some girl to sit behind the drums and jamming away, getting so HIGH! i might have to put this off to like, next few yrs? i cant be exactly free, with nc xcountry and then the maths (gross) and yeah you know, my usual leisure activities. sigh ) :

why is everyone going off so early tonight.

sigh. i just wna feel happy again.
you know what i mean.

all these shits that happened. i really really really want to let the whole load go and feel relaxed, feel good again. but no, i dont tink i can.

and i wont..

im so deprived of genuine smiles, laughters that come from the heart..

and most of all. happiness.
or rather, him.

2005-12-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

everyone thinks im alright.

but in actual fact,
i havent been alright at all.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALRIGHT AT ALL.

MAYBE THEY ARE RIGHT,
I SHLD OPEN UP

BUT DO THEY UNDERSTAND ?

NO.
NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDS.

2005-11-27T05:11:00.000-08:00

Can you hear me my love? I'm shouting in the rain.
Can you hear me?

Can you see me my love? I'm drawing in the sand.
Can you see me?

I hope that im still with you.
That you are with me.
You always will be.

Can you feel me my love? I'm hurting so bad.
Can you feel me?

Can you tell about my thoughts? I wish that you were here.
Do you know it?

The time that i've had dont need anymore,
you're the one i wait for.

Please come and find me my love.
I'm ready now, to come home.
Please come and find me my love.
Lets leave this place, lets leave no trace.

Why do I cry every fucking night
Why do I even think of him
Why why why why why why why

im falling apart.
i really am.

FUCKLA.

2005-11-25T01:56:00.000-08:00

NC CAMP!!
23rd t 25th nov.

was in gamma with fangqi sarah angela and some part As ? cant rmb who.

shit i cant rmb what we did. o.o but we had wargames. wtf alpha owe us 3 rifles and returned only 1. BLEHH.

moved t daphne's bunk (foxtrop) t sleep. haha was sleeping between her and jessie. jessie brot a pillow like omg !! hahahahahaha too cute for her alr [: was damn tired. slept only like at 2am the previous night. zzzzz

woke up and did the fking pt. had prof test which sucked real bad. discussed for campfire and sang and sang and sang. did some drills and a little cnc with the contingent.

OH YEAH.
THE CONTINGENT. HAHAHAHAH :D :D :D
DAPHNE, SERENA, FELICIA, TRACY, RUTIAN, JINGHUI, SINGXUEN, YEECHING, COREEN AND I !!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah ! had bbq !!!! [: kevin was damn nice. bbq-ued and served t food to us :D then rutian jing & i went to that 5th floor place and talked. haha. then i forgot what we did later. l:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH the night was damn funny. cos we were snatching jessie's pillow. hahahahahaha laughed so much. [: and jessie said her head will bleed with no pillow. yah right o.o hahahahaha she's so easy t bully !!!!

played heartattack in the morning. did pt. ate. then i saw mr chan !! ahhh went for xcountry training. luckily mr chan only made us run 3 rounds. hehe. then weasley was like complaining he wants the best cadet. AND HE GOT IT IN THE END. hahahaha

overall best cadet serena ! [:

went t je with rutian fel diana jing daph & serena. ate at macs and then we went t the library

THE JURONG EAST LIBRARY IS THE CRIB OF
KE RUTIAN, FELICIA LEE, DIANA TAN AND LIM JIA YI. [:
and also ikea, ntuc, east coast park, wild wild wet and i cant rmb what. hahahah

then we used (okay i dnoe what word t use) our sleeping bags !!! hahahah damn funny. jing daph & serena joined us later. crapped then cabbed home.

YAYYYYYYY I CAN FINALLY SLEEP PROPERLY !!

and my memory's failing me. crap.

_

cos i went for xcountry trng. ahaha then came back and changed t half u. then we had t go t parade sq. and i was listening to them sing in the canteen and then the ncos came. was hugging the slping bag then he looked at me. cos when i looked at him he was staring at me. hah..

then when we came back to the canteen and falling in he came and gave out the plaques and stared at me for a second.

oh yeh. when him and someone else looked for weasley eyecontact too. hmmm. i tink for the longest time. aha.

OH YEHHH !!

war games. omfg. then our team saw kevin and him at the 3rd floor stairs i tink. or 2nd. then fang and me were chasing kevin to halt. then he halted either me or fang from the corner. but i was nearer to him and i screamt. o.o lol..

and another when we were falling in in the canteen he was outside nc room facing us. cos the table was put like that la. then i caught him staring again.

and few other times. cant rmb alrrrrr.

sigh.

but what do these few stuffs mean? WHAT?! ):

sigh................

2005-11-22T03:17:00.000-08:00

went to find my reebok shoe at imm
found it! hee.
but unfortunately there's only 3 1/2
and 7 1/2 i tink.
big gap.
tried 3 1/2, fits alright !!!
but thats the only pair left
and its dirty. so forget it.

ROYAL SPORTING HOUSE huh.
i think i'll go queensway and find it.
:]

anw.. he sent a msg.
"I love you."
HAHHHHH. wtf
then i was like ?
he: Not me.
me: its not funny
he: i didn't know what happened.

yes. im getting real sick of it la..
):

camps tmr. fuck.

2005-11-21T04:27:00.000-08:00

ahahaha

i want sleeze
i want the reebok shoe
i want snoop dogg doggy biscuitzzzzz

camps in 2 days time
omg.

i DREAD camp.

2005-11-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

eh.

life's so boring.
cant find a nice blogskin.
raah.

im not gg for trng tmr.
-shrugs
i dont know la.
seriously..
life's got me so confused.

i dont know what to do.
everytime i cry i feel so helpless.
and there's no one to turn to.
i cant talk to anyone at all.
becos being with the pple,
im happy.
as in, they're my good friends
i have so much fun with them
but i just dont feel like telling them
all those depressing stuffs.

sigh.
i just need an answer.
just a yes or no.
and i'll know what to do.
really.

i just want someone who can understands me
pour my troubles to that someone
and yeh, that someone can give me advice.
i really need one friend like this.

2005-11-18T02:20:00.000-08:00

ok la

YOU WIN OKAY ?

i still love you so much.

because i checked out my msn list and saw tht he was offline.
and i felt.. so disappointed? thts th word. hah.
see. ): i tink im gg mad.

oh yeh/
MEANT TO TELL THESE LIKE QUITE LONG AGO ?
nvmnvm

__ told me smth la.
he said he tinks that ___ doesnt like me alr.
and that msg isnt sent by him.
mabbe sent by his fren cos he wanted t help.
ahah so many hes. nvm.

i was like relieved & happy
cos his frens are nice afterall :)
aha. mad.

then i cried in front of th com.
DUMB.
hurt me so bad. ): ): ): ): ): ):
got like so SAD.

IM NOT NEUTRAL.
IM POSITIVE.
damn. ):

i know i'll get even more hurt.
but.

i dont know. i will try to forget okay?
but.

there are always Buts.
buts and buts and more buts.
thats how i lost him in the very first place right ?
cos i.. just lost myself.

SO CLOSE I COULD ALMOST TASTE IT
YET I LET IT SLIPPED AWAY.

i am the worst woman anyone have seen.

i miss him
i miss him so badly
though he was just a few metres away from me

shit im gg t cry. ):

2005-11-17T23:55:00.000-08:00

cramps suck

had trng. hah.

i saw who i tot i wanted to see. hah. but im like, rlly neutral now.

had eye contact when ___________ was inside nc room and i was outside and we needed t return our bloody rifles. got someone t do it for me anw :) so i wont go in. hah. dnoe why i did it. BLEH.

and we had another when i was leaving i was staring at him then he was walking like in our direction and yah i stared, turned and walked away.

what do i do now.

nothing. cos i dont care rmb. and im really neutral. really.

2005-11-16T03:01:00.000-08:00

went to some golden mile thingy mall and today to book tickets for the bus ride to KL! yes the bus! it's a 16seater bus with a small tv to each individual massaging seat, and there are also computer games and easily 300 mp3 songs to choose from. and not forgetting the refreshments, though i seriously doubt what can they actually provide. HAH.

anw, i was told that that place was mainly patronised by THAIS and i got so freaked out i followed as close as i could behind my dad. yes, the place was unfortunately infested by THAIS and the place stinked horribly as well. because of some kinda weird food, i believe. eeyuk, i cant stand thais. i think this strong dislike starting brewing from the prominent transexuals basically, followed by the black magic and i always had to think of thailand being an extremely haunting country. wellwell..

i want berjaya times square hotel ! its a new hotel, with just a couple of years of history, and it is built with an indoor amusement park (which means ROLLERCOASTERS !! YUMMY !) and shopping mall. whats more, there are also personal laptops with internet access to some selected hotel rooms !! HAHA. WHAT MORE CAN YOU EXPECT ? [: it's a really attractive place and i really hope we do have good news that there will be rooms available for the 3 nights we're spending in KL. cross your fingers !

cant wait for all the shopping that's to be done ! [: [:

2005-11-15T21:22:00.000-08:00

i hate myself.

why was i hesistant. why why why. i dont understand myself. i cant expect anyone to do so now. i brought all these to myself. so why am i like feeling so sad, why am i even crying ???!!?!? why.
think jiayi. if you had said yes, it would be like 4 months now. if you had said yes, it would have saved you from all the tears, all the pain and heartache, right ? if you had said yes, YOU WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

SO WHY DINT I. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

i cant help it. all i can do now is? CRY & REGRET. CRY CRY CRY. CRY WHAT CRY. CRY YOUR FUCKING HEAD LA. IT'S ALL YOU WHO BROUGHT UPON ALL THESE TO YOURSELF. YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN RIGHT. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS DAY WILL COME SOMEDAY. WHY ARE YOU REGRETTING. YOU BITCH. YOU FILTHY BITCH. IM SO DISGUSTED IN YOU.

i know. i really know. im sorry.

2005-11-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

heyhey.

im trying my best t dig out stuffs from risheng, cos he noes smth, perhaps the most vital reason to everything. every tear i've shed, every heartache i've felt, every single bit of sadness. yes. i know he does.

prolly that msg wasnt send by him.
99.9% no. its his friends. omfg. i cant believe it. his friends suck.

and so does he.

im forgetting him.

he was never a part of me.
he wasted my everything, and aint worthy of nothing.

fuck off.

2005-11-14T04:13:00.000-08:00

ahhaha finally back.
after so many days.

rah rah rah.
<3s Feng. [:
great song man.

lala, nc tmr. dont feel like going at all . damn la. maybe i'll get t see ___ tmr.

im spposed to feel happy.
RIGHT ?
but why am i not feeling anything at all.

im feeling weary. feeling so worn out.

now my bed time's like. 2 am at least.

why cant i sleep. why why why

why cant i get my thots settled.

why am i so indecisive.

ugh. i hate my life like this.

2005-11-05T01:04:00.000-08:00

novembers chopin rocks my ass out

j___e is such a copycat. she practically RIPPED pple's blogskin and take it as her own. what a bitch. cant stand her any longer. crooked slut.

imisshim.
imgettingsonumb

2005-11-03T02:50:00.000-08:00

hihihihihihihi

i bot november's chopin [:
my new best friend <3<3

lala, there's training tmr. hmmmm.. i hope it'll be gd. i hope. i hope.

Imma stick wit you forever [:

2005-11-02T03:40:00.000-08:00

how many times have I told myself not to cry

but how many times have I actually heard what I've said ?

how many times have I cried when I think of him ?

The answer is.
Everytime.

2005-10-31T03:23:00.000-08:00

Why dont you try to understand ?
Why cant you see ?

Why dont you even try. Why dont you.

You must feel more relief, more easy, more free without me.

I dont wanna let you go
I dont.

I'm telling you.
Next year,
31st Janurary 2005,

If we're still not speaking.
If the silence still continues,

I'll let you go.

2005-10-30T04:39:00.000-08:00

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
It's the last thing that I wanna hear

But if your heart's not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

2005-10-30T04:36:00.000-08:00

rah

i've decided.

i'll still hold on
i'll stilll wait.

even though he may have given up alrd
even though he left me alone now.

sigh.
why have we got to play these games we play ?

2005-10-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

im crying now.

because i dont know what to do.

i need someone whom i can talk to. i really dont know.
and i find that i cant trust anyone now.

i dont know i dont know i dont know..

2005-10-28T04:21:00.000-07:00

fridays are always bad

knew kinda like a lot of things from dnf. yeh. pple change, for the worse. and i hate it. i hate it when they are talking abt how despotic are his frens, i hate hate hate his friends. i really hate them. disgusting and gross bastards. i detest the slighest sight of them.

and i dont know if he's lyk that. if he is, i've wasted my one whole yr. i've wasted all my time. i dont even know whether i can trust him. everyone says he's gd, nice etc. but is he rlly. i dont know i dont know i dont know.

but deep down inside, i wish he wasnt.

i dont know anything. i dont know whether we're gna continue, or we're gna end everything. i dont know whether he means the truth in whatever he had said bfore, or this is just plain dumb.

they made me feel so dumb for wanting him, so dumb for crying for him. im such a damned fool.

i dont know i dont know i dont know

2005-10-27T05:48:00.000-07:00

i want to live by myself.

i dont need parents to nag.
i dont need friends, so i have no troubles over childish quarrels and arguments
i dont need ---, so i dont have t worry over heartaches and cry anymore.

and no, i dont need pets.
i dont want to clean their shit.

myself.
[:
i cant live without myself.
WHEEE !

im getting crazy
and u noe --- bot a zen?
my fucking gosh and i was like. why dint --- tell me?
well. as if we're very close.
we used to be rmb?

OKAY
I ADMIT DEFEAT
I GO TALK TO YOU OKAY?
nooo.

but i know i got t talk t him first la.
): whatever.

2005-10-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

crap.

results stink, as always.
average's 58.8

my mom was disappointed:
spend over 10k and u get these kinda results. better go out and have tuition

my dad acts like nothing has happened, and kindly offered me orange juice.
i dont know what he's tinking.
i'd rather he scold me hit me kick me give me a tight slap
ban me from computer and tv and consficate my hp
):

u know what?
i dont wna disappoint my parents.
i know they're disappointed.
but i tried. i really did.
i dont have gd brains, and thats a fact.
i need to study. study. study.

i really want to make them proud. i thot with my running they will. of cos they are. pple tink they will. and they are. thats gd. but thats only for a short time. running cant make me find a job with high pay next time. running cant make them happy enough. i know they want results. i want results too. but i always disappoint them. i always always let them down.

im sorry mum.
im sorry dad.

i promise I WILL WORK HARD NEXT YEAR
I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE

2005-10-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

its not that i dont like, but you have lost my trust in you. no, i'm not angry. just extremely disappointed. but hah, i'll still tell u things the same. cos i dont expect you to keep your mouth shut. i dont expect people to be who i really want them to be, and i believe i cant change ur character. so it goes.. humans are. undescribable? i guess. yeh.. so i guess i have no one t trust anymore? haha. [: and im still so happy lur. l: im weird. hahaha

i love daideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and i rlly still like him a lot. saw him a lot of times today. but what is this that im feeling. i really dont know.

i dont know anything abt life
i dont know who t trust
i dont know anything

and i never wanted to know. right?

2005-10-24T04:26:00.000-07:00

hi,

i really really wna be yours.

so can u give us another chance? please.

i love you so.

):

2005-10-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

God send me an Angel
From the Heavens above
Send me an Angel to heal my broken heart,
From being in love
'cause all I do is cry
God send me an Angel to wipe the tears from my eyes

> :(

2005-10-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

cramps are so irritating - UGH!
its killing me lur.

AND I STAINED MY SKIRT FOUR TIMES. someone beat my record please.

subject combi: bio chem pure geog & elective history. i hope i get into the class! crosses fingers- i mus be motivated to study hard. i must do well. i must i must.

i dint get t see him today, well.. rawr. i still miss him a lot. i still love him so. nothing's gonna changed right? i guess so. i realise im very unhealthy in this way. havent been talking for like weeks already.. but is anything gna change? i doubt so.

it's so silly of me
to want you so much
and yet keep it deep down inside

i hope we'll be okay. im praying to God every single night, to hope that we'll be able to take off from where we started once again. i hope God understands how much he means.. cos i lost him, almost. maybe i lost him long ago.. but something inside me jus keeps me holding on and on. even though it kills me. yeah?

i really hope we'll return to where we were before.

2005-10-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

tell me if you dont feel the same way for me anymore

i just want you to be happy,
okay ?

i never want to let you go, <3

I LOVE YOU.

2005-10-18T05:46:00.000-07:00

IMISSYOUSOMUCH

do you know. do you know do you know.

its time that i shld let you know. its time.
but i can never bring myself up
t tell u all that i want t tell u > ):

i cant do without you.
and u know it, don't you?

i miss you like fuck.
i dont want you to leave me alone.
COS IF THE WORLD'S STILL SPINNING,
AND IM STILL LEAVING,
IT WONT BE RIGHT IF WE'RE NOT IN IT TOGETHER

<3<3<3
you know i still do right. dont you dont you dont you
dont you
i need you
so badly
so badly i dont even know it myself

): i dont wna cry anymore.

2005-10-18T03:41:00.000-07:00

sat at usual place at 3rd lvl
pple came down from above
i looked up
then i saw him
nd he was staring at me too
wth
looked away hastily

damndamndamndamndamndamndamnimisshimsomuch
>> )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):

tell me what t do. tell me hw am i supposed t carry on without you. tell me all the things that you never told me. tell me.

tell me tell me tell me.

i need you so fucking much >>>>> ):

screams.

2005-10-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

im experiencing hell.

i dont know what u want now. i really dont. can u at least tell me whether u wna give me up or what. can u tell me what u want. and if u're happier without me, fine. i'll leave u alone. and its not bcos i want t leave you, but its because i want u to be happy. i really want u t be happy. do u know that. do u even try t understand. do u even care abt me now. hah. i seriously doubt so. i miss you like hell. u told me its exams so we're not talking. and now its after exams. and we're still not talking. hah. im not a god damn fool, idiot. i am not any three-year-old u lie to. i have brains that think. i have feelings, and i have my heart. stead? stead my foot. hah, i bet thats not even you who sent that msg. i dont want your friends t send me anymore msges. cos they really hurt me bad. you know every fucking time u reply me with a question mark, it made me so furious? i wanted t be angry with you, but i cant. i really cant. i cant bring myself to do that. what they sent were what i really want to hear from you. i dont know what to do now. im in such a dilemma. prolly u've forgotten about me. hah.. then i'll be dumb and foolish and silly and whatever fucking word t describe me for liking you. if this is the case, then i'll be one. one bitch who cant get you out of the mind. u do realise i dont want to forget you and i dont wna leave you as well. deep down i still like you so much. deep down inside i've set my mind to tolerate all that crap u give me. all the pain all the tears all the heartache. im injured so badly.. but im still holding on. holding on so tight. so tight im killing myself every single time i think of you. which is prolly most of the time then. someone i like so much, and he has to do this to me..

I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

CAN YOU COME BACK TO ME PLEASE.
COME BACK.. COME BACK..

PLEASE COME BACK.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..

I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO<3

2005-10-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

Spent the day with tania and cheri ytd <3
Towned and bot a top from topshop, a skirt from fleshimp and a belt from 77th street. [:

drank ytd. haha yeh. vodka blueberry. one shot only though. and i want t drink now. hah.

prolly t drown my sorrows? yeh, maybe. HAH. how much heartache i've experienced. how much i've learnt.

i rmbered one post was:
When you want to give up,
Think of why u held on for so long in the first place.

hah. extremely true. watched fullhouse today and the girl was like. even though it hurts holding on, she'll still live with it. [:

she's strong. she's determined. and she's willing to sacrifice herself.
and i want to be like her.

but NO, i can't. i decided i cant. yes.

and i tink im gna give him up.
cos it really pains me when he doesnt even seem t care.

whatever.

2005-10-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

watched goal ytd with rutian
DAMN NICE LAA :D

then met jing rebe kahhwee
went t heerens
then walked t cine
in the end t 4 of them (someone joined them)
and me and rutian cabbed back

i really want to have a big group of friends. friends that i feel super comfortable with.. there's no need to hide anything from them but instead - confide into them. i want to have big group of friends to play with them and during chalets bbqs or outings we all have fun together.

but it seems like my friends are drifting away from me one by one.. sigh. >>): i dont really have anyone whom i choose t believe in and so on. i need someone who understands the present situation and hear me out. but i shldnt let this person hear me rant all t time - i want t be there for her/him as well.

--- has her own friends. im very happy for her. i stood by her all t time and feel proud abt it. [:
-- ----- i dont know abt him, but im sure we're drifting away..

and suddenly i feel as if i shld detach myself from anyone and live my life as a hermit. :

perhaps im jus feeling empty
cos i have no someone
why cant i have that special someone to fill the void
why cant i have gd frens at t same time
WHY CANT I.

my life's screwed.
Period.
i dont wna cry anymore..
i really dont.

i hate being like this.
i just wan everything back to me >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ):

2005-10-12T05:39:00.000-07:00

Paul Frank <3

Adidas !! WHY DONT U WNA SELL THE JACKET I WANT !! *SCREAMS IN FURY*

&@!&^#(!@&*^# Ugh.

I cant heal. ):

2005-10-11T06:10:00.000-07:00

I am very tired.

I'm just like a pathetic ass, holding on to a wooden plank in the big sea for safety. I'm holding on to this thin plank, so frail and fragile. My dear life, just hanging so loosely at this piece of wooden plank. I'm going where the sea leads me to - I have no absolute power to control where I should go. But what if it snaps? I have no more energy to swim - I'll just drown and die. Yes, even though I swim.

I just want to die.

One day, yes one day, I'll just leave this world - So much damage it'd done to me, so much hurt and pain it'd caused.. I feel so pathetic. I feel so drained. I feel so dumb. I feel as if, I am dying the very next minute.

I am so tired. So so so tired.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm going to sleep. Whether literal or not, only time will tell..

2005-10-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

EOYS ENDED. [:

not feeling well at all. im gonna flunk sci. but i dont care [: i really dont, HA.

ha. was listening t dong jie in t afternn. just sitting there and staring into space. and i just started t cry. cry and cry and cry quietly to myself.. im so badly hurt ,do u pple know that. even if they do know, they wont understand ): SO? so what if i see him. does he even see me too, does he even KNOW.

im longer the person i once used t be.
i can never be as happy as bfore.
though i act happy ,
but im not. i never will be.

i cant pick myself up. this wound is too deep , too deep for me t heal. and i know i wont. im sorry ,but i still love you so. tell me u understand this? please.

sometimes i just wna run away. maybe i shld. cos right now, the pain im feeling is making me numb ,it makes me tremble with fear, i dont know what'll happen in t future.. i dont know anything.

please come back and take away my anxiety
please dont hurt me any further
i cant take it anymore

2005-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

hmmm..

i realise i must start to treasure everyone. sigh. sec4s next year alrd huh..? then what'll happen to us when we are sec fours? i rlly dnoe. no more motivation, no more stuffs to look forward to.. sigh. ):

i shld be happy i have such wonderful friends ard me. i mean, I ALREADY AM ! yeah. those always with me.. always there to play with me. gosh i love you guys loads ! <3 yumyum. i'll never get enough of you guys. rahhh :D

so whats bothering me tonight? theres been this haunting feeling ever since i sat in front of the computer since 430+pm.. hmmm. am feeling.. weird? moody? perhaps thats the right word. i cant put a finger onto what im feeling exactly right now.. it's just. weird. yes.

WHY?

no exact idea. perhaps he's.. online? yeah. he's. saw him today. yeah.. ): theres no improvement. i dnoe how long can i take this.. but all that i know is. i miss him truckloads and the feeling is still there <3 going strong. yes. <3<3<3 but i dnoe whats going on between us. no idea.. ): i rlly dont wna cry anymore.

Please take away my anxiety <3
i still love you so much ):

2005-10-07T04:38:00.000-07:00

haaaaaaaaah

no idea wats wrong wit everyone.
sigh.
):
drifting apart frm all of em
)))))))):

2005-10-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

maths, then sci and art.

HOOORRAAAYYY :D !

where are you is such a nice song.

my dream height's 159 ! by the end of sec 4
haha. 4 cm for 2 years
2 cm for 1 year
CAN I MAKE IT ? [:
hahaha
actually i dont mind remaining at my height now :D

ITS OKAYYY
gg out wit tania next sat ! <3
SHOOOPPPPINNNNGG
I CANT WAIT LA :D

and i want t cut my hair.
after exams.
rawr.

2005-10-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

eng down, hist down, geog down.

we still have chi lit math sci art please

rahh.
papers were okay.

WELL, i admit.
i got jealous..
:X rah..

2005-10-03T04:55:00.000-07:00

Ever since the day you went away
And left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same
Oh baby no
When I looked into your eyes
The moment that I let you go I just broke down (down)
Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice
'Cause the feelin that I feel within no other man
Would ever make me feel so right
It's nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me
Right next to me
And I miss the way you hold me tight
I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world for you
I'd do anything
That's right baby
I'm goin' crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you (baby)
That's right baby
Im goin' crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you (baby)
Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you it's been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak
Can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me
And you want me
And you miss me
And you love me
I'm your lady
I'll be around waiting for you
Put it down be the woman for you
I'm falling so deep for you
Crazy over you I'm calling
Callin' out to you
What am I gonna do?
It's true no frontin'
It's you ain't no other
I can no longer go on without you
I just break down (down)
I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world for you
I'd do anything
That's right baby
I'm goin' crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you (baby)
That's right baby
I'm goin' crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you (baby)
ooo, crazy,(ooo)
lady (ooo)
lately (ooo)
Baby

do u hear me?
):

2005-09-30T05:17:00.000-07:00

knn
MY MOTHER IS SUCH A BITCH
fuck la
if she dares hit me till i BLEED
i'll hit her back
BITCH

now i have blue black alrd la
fuck

aniw
saw him todae <3
heh
but im still, u noe.
awfully hurt
>>):

lets wait till eoys are over
then decide what we shall do?
yeh.
haha

2005-09-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

rah.

saw him today <3
nd rt nd zl were tlaking abt him
shall nt reveal t details here ;

but its nice comments aniw
i tink everyone loves him
[: hahaha
nobody has anything bad t say abt him u noe

GRRRRRREAT

i miss him. ):

2005-09-28T03:44:00.000-07:00

RAWRRR

(t the q.)
me: i never say i dont want. haha.
him: ?

WTF
WHY DOES HE ALWAYS REPLY ME WIT A FUCKING QUESTION MARK
WHY WHY WHY

now im not even sure if thats him anymore.
it can be eh, u noe.
his frens.. rah.
HUGE possibility
since he replied me wit a fucking "?"

i dont noe wat t do witout him >>):
can someone just help me out ?

cosirllylovehimso

2005-09-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

im so tired la
i always tell myself im studying at night , then in t end (sigh) im tired. very tired.

well , im spposed t be happy right ..?

YES

cos he popped t q.
haha , yeah .
i shall take my time n consider.
hur :D

aniw im like rlly tired.
rah ,
cya.

2005-09-26T03:57:00.000-07:00

fuck.

first day of sch , rah.

was talking t rutian abt him. a lot a lot a lot. so many things i want t say , so many stuffs i wna explain.. TOO MANY. i have no idea whats wrong with me. i really dont. rah

during lit or whatever , received a msg frm "him". right , it was smth abt some dream girl crap . and if i like him back , i shld show signs . yeh. how weird. dint noe hw t reply till after sch , forced a HAHA THATS SO GP-ISH t him . if u noe what im talking abt.

him: ?
me: ?? go check ur sent msges then
him: ? where got?
me: (forwards him t msg)
him: haha. that was ___ tsllluuurrrtt.

n he dint reply me after tat. FUCK.

i dont noe why t slurt keep on sending these types of msges. i REALLY dont alright . fuck it. he doesnt mean it. so why send these msges t me ? i rlly wna scream at him , I REALLY REALLY want to alright . cos i rlly cant stand tis anymore.

watched full house. it's like fucking touching alright , almost cried . i would if i hadnt held t tears , i guess. rah. cos i was tinking abt us. what have we become. EXTREMELY GOOD QUESTON.

I RLLY WNA NOE. I WNA NOE WHAT ARE WE NOW. I WNA NOE WHETHER HE STILL MEANS EVERYTHING. I WNA NOE SO MANY SO MANY STUFFS ND YET I CANT DO ANYTHING . U NOE TIS INFURIATING FEELING . I'VE GOT SO MUCH T DO , SOSOSO MUCH ND I CANT DO ANYTHING . RAHHHHH

IM VERY VERY PISSED . AT HIM , AT ALL THOSE FUCKING SHIT HE SAID . I'D RATHER HE NOT TELL ME ANYTHING N JUS LEAVE ME ALONE . BUT NOW HE'S GOTTEN ME LIEK THIS , HE CANT LEAVE ME HE CANT HE CANT HE CANT HE CANT ):

someone send me t the mental hospital please

i'm going crazy by all these crap

i just want to cry and run. cos this is too horrid. i cant take it anymore.

i have no idea how long can I stand this.

jiayi is falling apart

2005-09-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

rah ,

mugged 3 chapts of hist ,
3 more t go.
JIAYI GO!!!

22 chapters of GEOG T GO
3 CHAPTS OF PHYS
ALOT CHAPTS OF MATHS
CHI CHEM ART LIT PUHLEASE !

>>>):

NVM ,
JIAYI CAN DO IT !!
just 2 wks n 1 day ,
and eoys will be over

then i can go CRAZYYYYY
:DDDDDDD

shall go check out pacific plaza's adidas again
I TINK I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF T JACKET CAN
cos we went thai village ,
on t way back.
yehh [:

sch tmr
SIANNNN

2005-09-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

I SHLD MUG I SHLD MUG I SHLD MUG !
>>>):

RAHHH , i so need to mug. finishing 2 chapts of hist todae. need to start finishing all 5 of them and geog. not t mention maths ND PHY ND CHEM OMFG >): GOD BLESS ME .

nd i swear im keeping long nails during t sch hols. i need white n black nail polish [:

rahh. i wna go t bangkok , cos i tink t adidas's jacket's THERE ! rawrrr. nd perhaps i can get new nice clothes [: soon i shall be clearing my closet nd sending those unwanteds t salvation army. i believe in karma :D

yes ,am gg to kl definitely. [: WHEE SHOPPING SPREE YAY !! <3

alright i gotta slp now.
am so tired.
BYEBYE.

2005-09-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

i want to cry so fucking bad

>):

tell me if u dont wan me anymore;
so i can stop this heartache
stop all this pain im feeling

I DONT WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS ANYMORE
!!!!
GOSHH I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING KID
I NEED YOU SO BADD.
))))))))))))))))))):

Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed

2005-09-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

I CANT GET OVER IT
I CANT GET IT THROUGH MY HEAD

I DONT NOE HOW LONG CAN I STAND THIS
I RLLY DONT NOE
COS WHEN I FEEL LIKE I CANT CARRY IT ANYMORE ,
I'LL PUT IT DOWN
U NOE ,I RLLY WILL PUT IT DOWN

AND NEVER LOOK BACK AT WHERE I FELL
BUT FORWARD AT WHERE I'M GONNA GO

COS I'M SUFFOCATING WITH EVERY BREATH
MY HEART ACHES EVERY TIME I SEE HIM ,
AND THE PAIN'S SO UNBEARABLE
IT'S KILLING ME
IT'S KILLING ME
IT'S KILLING ME
IT'S KILLING ME

AND NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL

I CAN CRY FOREVER
AND FEEL WORSER EVERYTIME

PLEASE ,
SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS MESS
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !!

I DONT WANT TO STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER
I WANT TO GO BACK T THE PAST
GO BACK TO WHERE WE ONCE WERE
SO HAPPY SO INNOCENT SO BLISSFUL

CAN SOMEONE TAKE ME BACK
AND STOP ALL THIS FUCKING PAIN I FEEL
COS I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-22T03:41:00.000-07:00

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

went tiong and found tania
and her frens said i was short !
alright ,
im 155.
WHERE GOT VERY SHORT ?
hmmmmm

cabbed back later
was looking outside at t rain n so on
and observing t driver.
he's damn funny la ,
so PLUMP & his head can reach the top of the cab alrd

came out of t cab
at t stairs of 415 ., rahhh

then i HEARD MY NAME. turned ard, it was SHAUN QUEK HAHAHAHA. i was like why he so dumb walk one big round. and it turned out tat he had NO MONEY IN HIS EZLINK. had 90cents in my pocket. he shld thnk his lucky stars he met me !! [:

MWAHAHHAAA

_
pe rocks :D
saw him during eh, his pe
as always

_
i am thinking of you
in my sleepless solitude tonight
if it's wrong to love you
then my heart just won't let me be right
'cause i've drowned in you
and i won't pull through
without you by my side

i'd give my all to have
just one more night with you
i'd risk my life to feel
your body next to mine
cause I can't let go on
living in the memory of your song
i'd give my all for your love tonight

baby can you feel me
imagining im looking in your eyes
i can see you clearly
vividly emblazoned in my mind
and yet you're so far
like a distant star
im wishing on tonight

i used to call you my boy
i used to call you my friend
i used to call you the love
the love that i never had
when i think of you
i don't know what to do
when will I see you again

i miss you like crazy
even more than words can say
i miss you like crazy
every minute of every day
boy im so down when your love's not around
i miss you, miss you, miss you
i miss you like crazy
you are all that i want
you are all that i need
cant you see how i feel
cant you see that my pain's so real

come back.

come back to me..
please ):

2005-09-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

THE WEATHER'S SO COLD > ):

am wearing my jacket
not nice
it's like those cloth material
and its kinda umcomfortable

I WANT MY ADIDAS ONE LA
):

head's headachy
mus take some panadol later
grrrr

aha
during recess i was like drinking
staring at the canteen table
then i can see a lil of the volleycourt
guess he was standing there
and looking at me (or the ball . HAHA !)
then the ball flew n he ran out of sight

i was like so CHI DUN.
when he ran then i noticed him
haha 0.o

then yeah.
i was waving to clement !!
then turned n face the volley court
saw him.
he's still as cute as ever.
i jus want to hug him >):

sigh.
myheart'sachingsobad..
):

2005-09-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

2005-09-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

rutian's birthday !

had orals
was rather okay
except for t reading part ?
hmmmm

went queensway citylink
in search of her bag
yet there was none
no MY adidas jacket either !

UGH
i hate it ,
RAHHH

_
i still love u ):
u cant do tis to me
i love u baby
i rlly rlly do ):

2005-09-19T04:49:00.000-07:00

just awoke frm my nap
my head's in a whirl
my heart's aching so bad

what do i exactly feel?
numb..
and somewhat tired.

but no matter what;
i wont let anyone change my mind
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you !!!

FOREVER & ALWAYS.
[: iloveyoubaby
iiillloooovvveeeeyyyyoouuu !
hee.

settled on gg KL during the holidays
mum wants to bring me to THEIR saloons and cut my hair !
HAHAHA [:
and im so gg to shop
buy their surfbrands !

i wan my adidas jacket !!
[:
RAHHHH

2005-09-19T01:12:00.000-07:00

RAHHHH

first day of sch :
was dreading it so much !
RAHHHH

saw him in the morning
he dint raise flag though
msged rs and asked;

me: Y DINT HE RAISE FLAG TODAY
he: he had asthma
me: I TOT VERY LONG AGO ALRD ?
he: he said relapse
me: IS HE OKAY NW
he: care so much abt him for what? just forget him.
me: WHY. tell me a very gd reason
he: just forget him and tink of me !
me: o.o

wtf.
AWWW i hope he's okay now [:

aniw ,
talked a lot too
during lit & chem
then made me feel so..
well, like a fool ?

hah.
tis is so bad.
i mean,
YAH.
i dont like to make a fool out of myself.
but no matter,
i cant deny the fact that i ~~still like~~ him alot
ahhh well

was sitting at 3rd lvl wit
rt & mt
then he came down
& saw us
i was staring straight forward
staring at the field;
the big piece of land ,
the bus stop ,
traffic & so on .
hah.

and there's an adidas in novena !
according to by
[: shall go pay them a visit !

_
we cant erase what was meant to be.
im sorry boy ,
but i still love you so ):

2005-09-18T03:10:00.000-07:00

MAY:

Stubborn and hard-hearted.
yes stubborn.
hard hearted? HMMM :D

Strong-willed and highly motivated.
highly motivated? HAHAHA

Sharp thoughts.
i dont rlly get it

Easily angered.
YES !

Attracts others and loves attention.
of cos i attract others ! :D

Deep feelings.
too deep for my own good

Beautiful physically and mentally.
HAHAHAHAHA OF COS ! [:

Firm Standpoint.
hmmmm maybe

Needs no motivation.
depends?

Easily consoled.
hahaha kinda

Systematic (left brain).
HAHA

Loves to dream.
OF COS !

Strong clairvoyance.
WOW

Understanding.
VERY [:

Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
EHHH

Good imagination.
YESYES :D

Good physical.
OF COS !!!

Weak breathing.
LOL ? o.o

Loves literature and the arts.
how UNtrue !! >):

Loves traveling.
KINDA

Dislike being at home.
when i want to go out, that is

Restless.
VERY!

Not having many children.
HAHA 2 is enough

Hardworking.
EH

High spirited.
YEAH ! :D

Spendthrift.
HAHAHAHAHAHA ! :D

2005-09-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

tania: i got piano exam on monday
confirm cant go out

clara: blaaaks. i got function tmr

daphnel: some other time bah. exams coming ler.

WTF !*(!*^#!(@*^!(#^%(#5
> ):
these pple ah..
next time dont ask them ler !

okay mabbe i'll ask tania to be my shopping partner
>:DDD
talked so much to her
heh.

brother's birthday todae !
dint do anything as well
hmmmm

i WANT MY ADIDAS JACKET !
gg taka for dinner later i tink
sushi edo or whatever
then maybe i can go to taka's adidas !!
:D
well, i hope so.
haha [:

2005-09-17T04:39:00.000-07:00

damn
no one's replying me on msn la
ask them for annabel's serena's daphne's contacts oso dont have
fuck
I NEED MY OLD FONE LOR ! ):

i so need to get my brown top jeans skirt shorts adidas jacket tops everything !
SO BADLY.
tania tried to cheat me
told me wisma has adidas
when they have only puma and world of sports
TSK !

aniw that idiot has no time to go shopping wit me ! ):
DAMN !
she has piano exam on mon
how sad

so badly need to call daphne la
ask her t go shopping wit me
am going to citylink's adidas;
to check out the jacket !!
i want it SO MUCH LA ):

i hope daphne returns home soon.
and some one who'll reply me on msn
gosh.

iloveyou:D

2005-09-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

:D MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL !

went to pacific plaza wit serena after sch
bot my adidas sling !
139 though
called mummy and she agreed !
and she said it was nice :D
MWAHAHAH

cabbed back to sch
prepared for stalls and so on.
then i began helping out by
blending the ice for t milo freeze !
:D
and that became my pernament job !
mwahhahaha

saw him quite a few times
he had marshal duty
hahah (:

i love tea leaf eggs ! :D

somewhere at a pt of time
some sec1girl was like promoting her stuffs
to justin thru the nc room window
hahaha
then r went to see
and told me that he was sitting beside justin
HAHA alright (:

earned 887.50 !
:D :D :D
50 cents to 888.
HAHA !
i love 204 LOADS CAN. :D
WE RULE !

2005-09-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

ahaha

played a nice games of captains ball during pe.
in t same grp as leticia's clique + by & mel.
hahaha
no one bothered to count the score;
but we had great fun playing!!
hahaha
stomach ache like MAD
it was actually cramps
since i discovered my skirt was stained when i reached home
hahaha
-.-

hurt my finger!!
left index.
cos fel closed the door
then my finger was there
AHHHHH
damn pain la
but it's okay now.
hee
(:

_
saw him during his pe todae
(:
heh.
then during our lunch
all of their class was like gathered outside classrm
looking at smth on the 1st storey
hahaha

then gz gp and dnoe who else stuck their legs
outside the railings
so their legs were like dangling in t air !
so funny lor :D
then gz waved LOL

theirclassisfullofidiots(:

yay im talking to him again :D
cos he finally replied me
heh.
iloveyouboy(:

2005-09-14T03:53:00.000-07:00

when u feel like giving up,
tink of why u held on for so long on the first place.

how true.
how very very true.
hmmmm.

wich mean i wont give him up?
yes, i tink so.
hahaha
what a naive girl
but whatever,
it's been like so long.

he's been like.
part of my life tis year?!?
yeah
frm the starting of the year
till now

it's been SO LONG
i held on and on
so why shld i give up?
(:

right.
i mus get that sentence into my brain
and let it live in me throughout mah life.

WHEE
i love him loads <3 ,

2005-09-14T03:49:00.000-07:00

HEYYYY

felt better;
LOADS better.
decided not to tink too much abt it yah?
(:

thats the attitude

hahaha
bot my tie during recess
hmmmm
was fiddling with it la
when we went into the toilet
and still fiddling wit it
when we came out
tink he saw :/
he was playing soccer.
aha

i wan to get my ADIDAS SLING!!
how many times mus I sae.
hurhur.
:x

2005-09-13T00:32:00.000-07:00

felt so rotten last night
so i appeared offline
then went offline
cant stand the sight of seeing him online
then we're lyk this.

pathetic.
JUST WNA MAKE THINGS RIGHT
but i noe i cant

yeah.
did a lil of lantern..
helped mah maid.
MAHAUNTIEROCKS :D
mwahahaha

wanted to slp early
but thnks to the lantern,
i cant.
bah.
listened to songs again.

it hurts damn bad when i listen to liao jie.
it hurts very bad when i listen to This I Promise You.
if any guy sings/dedicates/actually MEAN the song to me;
i'll really love him :D
heh.

but aniw,
yah.
HEN XIANG NI was horrid too la.
then i began tinking..
tinking so many things through.

and i realise i still cant let him go.
i mean, i really really really really really
still like him a lot.
so how do u expect me to let go?
broke down so much
talked to God
hmmm.. i hope he has the right plans for me.
yeah.

cmon GIRL. PULL URSELF UP.

went to sch
was abt to leave canteen for classrm
turned him n saw him walking towards parade sq.
wtf..
i really dont wna see him >:cos it hurts la.

damn this aching heart.

stayed in canteen for a lil while
then i saw hisclass pple coming down
o.o saw him later

i turned away
i turned away
i turned away
i dont wna elaborate anymore.
):

sigh.
i jus hope i can feel better?
yeps, i really hope so.
i wna get my adidas bag!!! :D
one thing to be happy abt?

actually, i have SO MANY things to be happy abt?
- have my dearest loveliest family
- have my frens to laugh with me,
talk to me, play with me..
so many to name!! :D
- i still have my brillant talent wit me.
yes, mentioning this, i must RUN SOMEDAY!! :D

but i still dont have him.. right?

2005-09-12T03:38:00.000-07:00

Do you even realize the sorrow I have inside
Everyday of my life

Do you know the way it feels
When all you have just dies
I try and try to deny that I need you
But still you remain on my mind

No I just can’t get you out of my mind
I never can say goodbye
‘Cause every night I see you in my dreams
You’re all I know
I can’t let you go
Even though I try
I can’t let go of something I need so badly
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

I can't heal when I'm hurting so much.
I can't escape the pain inside.
Don't leave me alone here,
Cos I don't wna be alone. ):

Come back to me,
Please.
I love you so

2005-09-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

LOVE :D

happy birthday
yeah. i guess.
got his msg in the morning
haha was like o.o
wished him happy birthday and all
yeah

saw him in sch
morning assembly
(:

todae RAWKED
did nth for lit and chem!!
cos the tchers were absent yah.
WHEE :D

talked quite alot to r
hmmm..
it sets me tinking.
jing sets me tinking too..
SIGH.

im like left in this terrible mess;
I CANT GET OUT OF IT.
but i still love him, right?
of cos i do.
i do i do i do.

2005-09-11T02:12:00.000-07:00

bah.

went to search presents todae
took the 105 bus
and suddenly got this woman
who went ard checking everyone's ezlink card

then i was like.
crap.
i gave coins, then forgot to take the ticket.

so she insists on me paying her 1.40,
so i paid 1.50,
left the bus since it was my stop,
and was damn pissed.

I PAID TICKET LOR HELLO!?
IM A STUDENT,
PAY 55CENTS ENOUGH LIAO.
YET I GAVE 70 CENTS YOU KNOW!
NOT ENOUGH AH!
KNN
waste my money
fuck

then paragon pple gave me attitude
tsk
so being pissed,
i became even more piss-er,
walked out of shop

went like everywhere?
paragon wisma pacific plaza heerens
found kinda nice wallets at pacific plaza;
but it was like 55, 65?
O.O
KNN
went into the adidas shop,
found a really nice sling!!!
AHH I WANT :D

wisma pple oso show me attitude;
tmd.
aniw went to topshop
to SEE SEE.
then suddenly this guy popped out:
HELLO. WELCOME TO TOPSHOP.
then i smiled :D
ah finally one person whose service i'm satisfied with
aniw found my brown tightfit!!!
19 bucks only;
cheap sia.
gg to buy it someday >:DDDD

and that billa shop in heerens was like..
GONE?
badbad ):
aniw saw really nice jeanskirts in flesh imp.
AM GG TO GET IT TOO!!!
>:DDDDD

alright
walked so many rounds
spent like 2 hrs in orchard?!?
YET I CANT FIND A SINGLE THING.
fuck

decided to get BILLA stuffs.
hmmm
LOT ONE! <<<
alright
took 105 to je interchange
mrt to lot one
and YAY!
that billa shop in lot one is quite nice la
found a wallet like, FINALLY!??!
damn.
they gave me such an obiang plastic bag.
fuck.
but at least their service was okay.
yeps.

finally went home
guess the wallet is okay..?
i hope.

I WNA GET ADIDAS BAG
JEANSSKIRT & BROWN TOP!!!
:D

__

aniw yah.
still not toking.
whatever.
i dont really care now.
YEAH?
someone mentioned me;
and he was like
):
OR SMTH!
i dnoe la.

i mean.
what right does he even have to be sad?
when he was the one who wont reply me
and all.
RIGHT?

save me.

2005-09-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

WHERE IS RISHENG.
HOW COME HE DOESNT REPLY MY MSG!!!

ugh im so angry

WHERE IS BEV
HOW COME SHE DOESNT REPLY ME ON MSN

knnn

where the f is HE
CAN U TELL ME WHERE
2 DAYS ALRD AND HE STIL DOESNT REPLY MY MSG
WHY WHY WHY
WNA DUMP ME ALRD HUH
WNA ABANDON ME ALRD RIGTH
TELL ME
TELL ME
DONT LEAVE ME HANGING ON A STRING
TRYING TO GUESS WAT ARE U DOING

PLEASE LA
STOP MAKING ME CRY CAN OR NOT
AT LEAST JUS REPLY ME
PLS PLS PLS
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE

cos i'm so tired,
nothing makes sense anymore/

2005-09-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

RAHHH

woke up,
checked my fone.

0 new msges.
HUH?!?!

ZERO?
i fooking hate pple who DONT reply my msges
cos i tink it's really rude.

and this time;
I HATE HIM EVEN MORE.
gosh..
i noe he went for specs
but he fxcking shld reply my msg like last night?!?

AND HE DIDNT.
wow.

i really wonder what's wrong with him.
or maybe he hooked up wit some other girl!?
you'll never noe..

promised myself not to cry
budden i listened to LIAO JIE..
and the lyrics meant so much,
it was SO REAL,
i jus had to cry, dint I?
then came HEN XIANG NI.
WOAH, cried like shit alrd.

cant believe it la.
i miss him so much..

then i wanted to run out of the room,
out of the hse,
to the TOP floor of the carpark,
and cry and cry and cry.
sigh.

but what can i do now?
he doesnt wna reply me
he doesnt tok to me on msn
anymore.

well..
i don't noe when all this will end.

let's hope all this will end?
and i hope God's with me till the end.
):

2005-09-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

alright,
am back again.
you can guess my feelings HUH.?

~~msged him~~ todae
ard 11am;
asking what he wants for bdae present.
hmmmmm..
till now he hasnt reply me.
VERY GOOD.

and he's online.
bah, am so pissed wit him.

BUT TRAALALALLALA
i dont really care rite now (:
no idea why..

as i've mentioned,
LETTING GO huh?
well, maybe.
maybe maybe maybe.
huge possibility rite now though.

hmmm,
am leaving for msia tmr.
back on friday.
jsu hope i can get my thoughts cleared
and hope that the rain in my head has GONE AWAY!
and welcome the sunshine baby!

but i really doubt so..

2005-09-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

HELLO .

hell ,
i dnoe what im spposed to do.

give UP?
YES, thats the best way.

bah.

2005-09-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

i cant stand it anymore.

it explains the opening of yet another blog,
a blog created out of frustration.
another one for ME to rant,
for ME to bitch,
for ME to confide into.

i jus hope this is successful.

THEY break camp alrd.
like.. ytd?
yeps.
and yes, havent been toking to him.
haha, i dnoe why.
we will jus drift apart.
rather, ON and OFF.
and yet,
we get so close at times.

no idea why..
perhaps. hmmmm..
anything can happen.

i wna believe what that someone told kor.
i really really really wan that to happen.
but who do i have to blame?
MYSELF, to name?
YES, that's right.
i can only blame myself.

but i cant stand it no further.
he's hurting me like crap,
everytime we dont speak,
we dont msg, whatever.
i miss him SO SO SO much.
every night i lay in bed,
pray to God,
to ask him to let us msg each other again.

the first time;
God heard my prayer.
and we started speaking for only after a month
of silence.
the next;
one week.
how abt this time?
2 weeks?
1 mnth?
or how about..
FOREVER.
u'll never noe.
u'll really never.

this pain is killing me.
i dont wna suffer
i dont wna go thru this hurt anymore.
but i have to..
since i chose it this way myself.
this path full of thorns,
broken pieces of glass,
it's so hard to walk..
it's so hard.

do u tink i'll ever give up?
WILL I?
God knows..
maybe I will.
once I get myself drowning in pain,
once I feel no longer the strength I've felt,
I will.

I tell you,
I really will.
I really will give this damn thing up,
and take no further care.
I've hurt myself so much,
does he even noe?
does he EVEN CARE?

NO HE DOESNT.
at least, i dont tink he does.

omg..
I don't wna cry every night,
and then fall to sleep tinking of him.
I don't wan this to happen anymore.

CAN SOMEONE OUT THERE TELL ME HOW TO DEAL.
HOW CAN I EVEN LET GO,
WHEN IM HOLDING ON SO TIGHTLY;
I HURT MYSELF SO BAD SO BAD.
I DONT FEEL THIS PAIN ANYMORE
AND SOMETIMES.

I REALLY WNA DIE.
I REALLY REALLY WAN TO.